While this blog is not specifically about rock and roll music, the music was very infused into this story and my best friend Phil and the good times we all had at his place. I dare you not to laugh as you read it!
About 15 years ago, Jason and I were living at my dad's, waiting to move into a place that we had just bought. Every weekend, we would go stay at on of my best friend's place that was within walking distance from my dad's. He had twin girls who were a little older than my girl. They got along famously, so we usually stayed the whole weekend, going back to my dad's place on Sunday. We would grill, cook huge meals, bake, play poker, yahtzee, dice, board games, all the while the stereo would be playing all our favorite rock and roll music. At bedtime, we would get the girls into their jammies and do what we called the 'ni ni dance' Which was basically us all dancing around acting like lunatics. It was a great way to get the girls ready for bed and they would always be exhausted by playing all day and then doing the ni ni dance. This one particular weekend, it was like 4 am on Sunday morning, we were sitting in his very tiny living room, all pretty much talked out and silence engulfed the room. He had this couch that was the most uncomfortable piece of furniture I have ever had the opportunity to sit on and it totally racked your body with massive pain the next day. It had a very long bottom cushion with throw pillows for the back. To sit on it you basically were in a semi-prone position, with your butt halfway hanging off the edge. Suddenly, without even feeling it coming or forcing it out, whooooosh, my fart ripped into the silence....... For a split second, no one reacted. Then myself and the fucking hoarder were silently laughing (so as to not to wake up the girls) You know that kind of laugh that is impossible to stop and if you were laughing out loud it would be the contagious kind of laugh, even if you didn't know what you were laughing about, you would be laughing anyway. Now, I come from a family of farters. My dad always said, better out than in, as he grunted one out. As I got older, I often asked him if he had gotten any on him? Me and Jason were laughing; not just at the sound or origin (me) of the fart, but the look on my friends face was just priceless. He later explained later that he could just not fathom his petite flower of a best friend actually farting-EVER...... Yes I was a petite flower (at least to him) LOL! It took about a second, and then he started laughing (silently also) Soon all three of us were gasping for air, tears running down our faces, pained expressions cos we were still laughing silently. I think I may have even peed myself a little...... tehe. It was the kind of laugh that would wind down then suddenly begin momentum again to become a full belly laugh all over again. Around the third go round, we just couldn't be silent any longer. We busted out laughing to beat the band, rolling on the floor (me) dancing up and down (my friend) and gasping for breath (Jason) and of course we woke up the sleeping princesses. When we finally got them back to bed, we went back into the living room where the act of breaking wind had originated. The stench still lingered.!!!!! This set all three of us off once again, me on the floor, peeing myself, my friend jumping up and down and Jason gasping for breath. Needless to say none one of us ever forgot that fart! My friend even wrote me a couple poems about it. He also gave me this priceless book, 'The Book of Farts' A-Z, it will make you laugh whenever you read it, it's like one of those excellent reads that amazes and amuses every time, even if you know it by heart! Basically it gives definitions of farts from A-Z, giving them names, rating them, for sound, quality, smell, common or rare (for your list of farts) My girl and I used to read at least three pages every morning when she was in third grade before the bus came to pick her up, starting the day laughing like lunatics on the side of the street where the bus stopped. It is a classic, or it definitely should be. Then when we had been in the fucking middle of nowhere, Jason found the follow up book, 'The Book of Farts, 2, A-Z, yet another fart book, by the same two writers, which was equally hilarious! Ah, good times.....
I Am, (and proud of it)
That Crazy Red Head,